one

...More day until I am done with undergraduate forever. Huzzah! Nothing feels better than following through with something. I can only bring myself back to that summer that I contemplated a lot of destructive things, and I am very thankful to the literary world for bringing me back to some semblance of reality. 

For the past few weeks, I've sent out hundreds of applications and got a single call back for an interview this week that I could not attend. I am ashamed. I think tomorrow I'll finally bite the bullet and put the two weeks in. Life without an income is a life that I do not want to experience. Someone, hire me, I'm a wonderful office slave.

Here's some food for thought: For every crazy woman, there are many crazy men that have made her that way. What is the problem with repetition? Very rarely does it break a cycle. You can love many things, but that won't make it love you back. x

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I used to have a really hard time not hating people. It was always easier for me to run to judgement and decide that someone was disgusting and worthless rather than try to see things from anyone else's point of view.


Now I don't find myself angry, but more so apathetic towards everyone. People are always going to disappoint you no matter what. There's never a rhyme or reason to it.


I think I've just had the misfortune of meeting all of the most fickle and indecisive people there are.

troublez

There's something about the upcoming weeks that sends me over the brink of insanity, and another that has me floating on a cloud in glitter wind.

I think it's the idea of moving from one family nest to another. I love everyone, dearly, but the idea of having to abide by another set of rules and regulations while I'm trying to set up my "adult life" is really making it difficult to see the silver lining in it all.

Basically I sit on mediabistro and NBC all day and refresh the job postings.

Can I trust a company email address that says "humanresourcez"?

Give me a break NY.

Sanity?

Lately I've been FREAKING OUT about everything. The constant electrocuted feeling and dazed approach to my everyday activities is making me sort of feel like I'm a) in a video game and b) on a constant Adderall high. I think my junior year experiment of seeing how many days in a row I could stay up on Adderall  and coffee has tired me out from all recreational drug use for the rest of my days. (Three and a half days, by the way.)

Or maybe I can keep this on a steady loop (read the directions, use your noggin.) Ah, class.

http://www.reddit.com/r/woahdude/comments/bvgf1/thisthischill_as_you_have_never_chilled_before/

In any case, I need to learn how to relax. I've accepted that I'm one of those "fake busy" types, whereas I always appear to have a multitude of things going on, but in reality my inability to multitask and stay organized has buried me deep into a hole of post its and unused calendars. So. Many. Calendars.

To add salt to my wounds, I refreshed Facebook, tortured myself with an ex, and downloaded more music than my computer could handle as I read that the minimum page requirements for my written midterm tomorrow is three pages per answer. Oh. That's cool.

What's it like being motivated to keep your life together? I liken myself to the blob, but a more prestigious one, one kept in a jar......a constantly turned over jar. Because let's face it-I'm not exactly active here. ("I try!," says the worm.)

In other words, laugh at my new Twitter follower. OH INTERNET.

Shall we?

I won't lie, this is probably the 87th blog attempt of mine. THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT. Like those last 87 times. But really, it will, because Polley is making me try.

And try I will.

Sometimes I like to think how nice it must be to be talented and self assured that you're awesome and your life is going to go somewhere. Then I remember that these people probably also have bad breath in the morning and suck at organizing their sock drawers, so I half-heartedly pat myself on the back for not developing a serious drug habit before the age of 25 and keeping all my teeth.

In about a month-ish I'll be graduating college and even though everyone is saying this is the most exciting time of my life, the thought of taking the world's longest "nap" is really appealing to me. Student loans? No job prospects? Awesome, because all that's really on my mind is that I have two films assignments and a mid term due Thursday and I can't stop watching Archer. Talk about priorities.